I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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