she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
