paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
