I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
