Where is the hickey?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
