dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
