so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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