hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
