I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
