I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
