my mouth tastes like poor choices
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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