grandma shit on top of the toilet
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
