Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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