Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
