I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
