i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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