I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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