Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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