Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
