Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
