i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
