Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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