you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
