Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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