i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize