Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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