I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
