when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
