I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
