He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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