Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
