honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize