Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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