I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i now understand why vodka
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
