It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
