I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
