I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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