question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
