Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
