His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
