At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This toilet bowl is my home.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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