Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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(972): View more from Texas

Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

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(716): View more from New York

i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?

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(876): View more from Jamaica

After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him

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(518): View more from New York

It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.

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(425): View more from Washington

Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"

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(707): View more from California

On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.

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