awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
