I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
