i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
