Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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