That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
