A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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