Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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