he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
