Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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