Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
