When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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