i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
