you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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