I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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