I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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