I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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