walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize